good bye tree

I was so sad to take down the tree....but my livingroom seems big:) Since we know that isn't true, it is nice to remember how easy it is to change our perspective. Not quite ready for new years resolutions, but hope to remember when I'm unhappy that maybe I just need a change in perspective!

I also want to remember to put up my own tree! Amber did a great job but it just didn't seem the same not doing it myself. Oh crap just realized I didn't take down the lights on the porch!!! I guess the stars can symbolize the new year. Oh well....we can only do what we can do!

Oh yeah!!!! I am a deep thinker---especially when on vaction. HAHAHA
smiles-kathy

why my tree is still UP

Yes this is a shock!!! I have always taken down the tree the day after Christmas. My house is too small, the tree looks sad without presents, and yet it still stands. And will stand until Friday. Why oh why?? Am I just lazy this year? Or maybe more sentimental?  I pondered this all day yesterday.

First of all, last night I realized I had not put on the ornament I got a Bransen! So now my tree is completed. Second, I'm off the mom's to see my aunt, uncle and sis. I really appreciated Amber and Austin putting up the tree but want to take it down myself.....maybe I am too picky:)
Third, maybe I'm just not ready to let this Christmas go. I was sick the week before and did not get to enjoy the anticipation as much as in the past. Also the white elephant my Mom talked about....our first Christmas without Dad. And most of all, our last Christmas with a kid in the house.

At 18, Austin would be offended to know I called him a kid....but it oculd be worse since I think of him as my baby! He graduates from high schoo lin May. This is something we have never experienced in our family....on mine or Steve's side. There are no littles for Christmas. This year we bought some things for a friend's small children...but not the same. It seems wierd to let go off some of our traditions. After talking with the kids they don't want to let them go either.

Here's some examples----
      stockings-this was my last year to do stockings for the kids. I told them this and they jumped on the idea of doing stockings for each other.
     santa cookies- I did not do this this year but Amber and Austin did!
     decorations- I did not put out all 11 boxes of decorations this year(too sick) and guess what? Christmas still came and we had a great time
      mountains of gifts-I have told the kids we are cutting back. I am going to try to do bigger birthday gifts and smaller Christmas(we will see how successful I am)

I was so blessed to be able to spend Christmas day with all my kids. Christmas Eve with Mom was the beginning of a new tradition! Um, Festival of Lights will probably not become a tradition. LOL

So regardless of the adjectives to describe this Christmas-wonderful, first, last- our celebrations were a time to be with family.
smile-Kathy

Hello little blog....

I missed you.. Have I really been that busy? No probably not, but how easy to get lost in the busyness of our lives. September, October, November, most of December....and no posts! If this post was a person we would be fighting apparently, but no....just busy. My blog does reflect on how well I am taking care of myself. Before this year ends I want to recommit to taking care of myself. Physicall, emotionally, and spiritually. My journey continues.

After lots of thought I went back to college this semester... After reading a Debbie McComber book about living your potential. She talked about God giving you clues as a child to the job most suited to you. The job you are meant to have. As a child my favorite memory was going to the library. I wanted to read them all. I remember leaving with a stack I could barely carry. Being surrounded by the lovely smell and the covers all calling to me---Read Me First!

My mom developed my love of books and it is the greatest gift she gave me. I remember nap time, lying on mom's bed....she had her book and I had mine. She read poetry to me one time during a tornado!

 Being able to escape into a story is such a blessing. A blessing not everyone has. I remember when I had my third child-Amber. I was reading a Stephen King novel(don't remember which) when I went into labor so I packed my book. After she was born, the nursing staff was so sweet to me. I heard them talking in the hallway, she has to at home let her rest. Oh year, I used the time to READ!! Even when they finally brought her to me, I put her in my lap and read.

I potty trained Andrea by reading Little Golden books to her. Books are my friends! Maybe I will get a book for Christmas....probably not . but I am giving books as gifts.

Well it felt good to write some. Hopefully I will be able to get back into this habit.
smiles-kathy

Better Late that never......

I know you have all been antipating info about the rest of our vacation. Day 4 had us traveling. We left Defiance and headed for Branson. Planned on stopping about halfway. We spent the morning checking out all of Steve's old haunts. Got to go into his school. It was awesome. No pics of inside--on Andrea's camera.

Also the kids were amazed with how green every thing was. Here's my own children of the corn.

On our journey through Illinois I used my great navigation skills to lead the family on a off the beaten path side trip to find Lincoln's Log Home(according to the map I bought at Wall's for a dollar).It looked like it was 14 miles of highway, but an hour later and many miles of corn and of the lady in the box(gps) saying Turn Right. We arrived. yeah to find out no tours but we were able to walk around. Would love to go back to get the whole story.

From what I read this is the farm that Abraham Lincoln bought for his mom and stepfather for $200. It was very well preserved, and seemed to be a working farm. I bet field trips would be great there!

We were worried about beating the rain and getting to Effingham so it was a rushed trip but some of my best memories. On the way back to the interstate we found the church were Lincoln's parents were buried. It looked like the original headstone but a sign said it was the second because tourist had come and chipped off pieces for souveniors. I could have looked at all the old headstones for ever but the children were restless!!

The iron work around the site was made by a company in Ohio.

The church was beautiful as well.

After leaving the cemetary we drove trying to beat the rain. I would say no luck but it was so great to see rain.After getting to motel we went and ate at the restaurant next door. Kids were disappointed because pool was closed. It was here where we saw complete double rainbows. What a blessing!
The next day was on to Branson. I will be back to tell more.
Smiles-Kathy

Another day, now and then

So off to work I did go today. Things went well although I am now at the point that I will beg one of the boys to come help hang things on the wall. Enjoyed visiting with many and even enjoyed going to coworkers for an informal get together. I had been worried about it but during morning devotion prayed about letting go of my fears and worries. Being able to trust in God has been such a blessing in my life. Also stayed in points today. I am really trying to stick to points because no exercise will be happening for a while. My knee is really hurting but don't feel like it is bad enough to go to doctor yet.

Review of day 3-Ohio
IT RAINED!!!!!!!
Yes, we did lots of looking at childhood memories of Steve's but it RAINED! Everyone texted and posted this happy news. Our Oklahoma friends were envious. The rain did keep us from some activities but I don't think we cared too much! We visited Bloomdale,OH and Defiance.

Steve's childhood home.

His grandparents home.
We also visited the cemetary where his grandmothers are both buried. There was a terrific rain storm then with lots of lightning and thunder. We also visited lots of Defiance---Independence Dam, Fort Defiance and Jiggs(for root beer)

At the dam, trying to take instructions from the photographer!

Apparently being able to spell your state requires more skills than we possessed. But we gave it the good ole Okie try!

At the dam. Afterwards we saw lots of interesting monuments about the war of 1812, also found a marker about one of Johnny Appleseeds first nurseries. Probably more history that any of them wanted but I was hooked. Why is Ohio so far away??

First day at school,Vacation Day 2

What a great day! Went to school and got to start unpacking--first time in 3 years that I didn't have to move rooms...felt wonderful. My goals for today where to get rid of big ole computer desk and clean out filing cabinet. Well I was very worried about doing the computer---it was a nest of cords. I said a prayer to God for help to stay calm and not get frustrated. My prayers were answered!!! I got two of the filing cabinet drawers cleaned out and so claimed SUCCESS on my first day back. I even had some time to unload books, boxes, and part of the closet. I felt so productive.....hope tomorrow goes as well. Oh yeah-I also got to meet Nikki--a new member to our fifth grade team. She has been doing GE so I hope to get lots of ideas and motivations from her.

Now for a trip down memory lane to Vacation day TWO!!!!
This day was devoted to the family reunion Except for a great detour to Cake in a Cup. This is a bakery in Toledo that had won Cupcake Wars just days earlier. We got the tip from Tracy(Tony's daughter). Since it was cheaper by the dozen we all got to pick our favorite and then shared others. They were sooooooo wonderfully rich!

Mine was in the third row--middle:White Chocolate and madarin orange---Yummmyyyyyyy!

Here is a close up. Admire the large white chocolate nugget in middle and the coconut cooked into the top.  Uhoh I think I just drooled on the computer!
The people were very nice and talked about their experiences on the show. We were to cool to ask for their autograph or pic but look at the cute sig they get to display. Love this place.

Honestly I would go to Toledo again just for another cupcake!
Well I wasn't sure the day could get better but we headed on the park for the reunion. One wrong turn but we still got there early enough to share a cupcake with Jackie! She worked so hard along with Dean to put this together. Thanks again!
I admit much of this day was.....awkward! We have only been around this part of the family a few times over the last 20 years. But it was AWESOME to see Steve interact with his family. We blended in as time went by but didn't really know everyone until late in the afternoon! And we love them all!

What a group-----everyone was there except Nick and Wendi and her kiddos. Barb and Dean should be so proud. We are truly blessed.
After lunch and supper there we headed to a motel--any motel--Barb and Tony also had rooms so we had a late night chatting more.
Please note I did not say anything negative about the heat, or the biting BUGS!!!
I will post more pics later---I think we took 200 there on that day alone!!!
Smiles-Kathy

Vacation Update

So yes it has been a week since I have been home and I am just now posting anything about the fantastic family trip I got to take. Along with Steve and all the kids we made the big journey to Ohio to see Steve's family. I can't get caught up all at once so maybe day by day.
Day 1--Friday July 8
We rented the 15 passenger van, loaded up and headed to mom's with Andrea and Austin. The plan was that Steve would sleep all afternoon and be ready to drive ALL the way. Yeah that's the plan--he will drive ALL the way-stopping for gas,restroom and food. Hmmmmm
The rest of the kids made it to mom's after work. We ate the last Okie food for a while(thanks mom) and headed out about 8:30.
This was fun until it got dark....and until Tulsa traffic....oh yeah I HATE riding in cars. This will be a great trip.
At 1:30am Sat. Steve could no longer stay awake,I was sleepy too soooooo we took a long break in Lebanon MO to sleep in the parking lot of a McDonalds. Everyone sleep well except for the person who had Austin laid out all over them--uhhh that would be ME!!!
About 3:30 everyone woke up---Amber was first to get too hot to sleep. Back on the road---lots of fog, a semi off the road. Stopped outside St. Louis and then on the road again. I'm sure all the kids have great pics of the Arch but not me I was on the look out for traffic:)
Yes I drove for a while after a stop in Effingham for breakfast and a stop for White Castle. Then I happily drove the monster van(yes I did cry....I was scared!)

Then the exciting part....Johnny Appleseed's grave.  Yes this is the good part.

I forgot flowers and felt bad.

What a wonderful story.

So after the thrill of this we decided to head on to Ohio. Everyone was excited to get there.

Elliot was the only one perky enough to crawl out of the van for this pic. He was also the one who yelled LOUDLY everytime we crossed a state line.We drove through Hicksvill where Steve's mom-Barb use to teach and then spent the night in Defiance. This is the end of day 1.

Smiles-Kathy

The Countdown is ON!!

Only 3 more mornings in Oklahoma before the BIG trip to OHIO.  We have never taken a family trip out of state so this is BIG for our family. The kids are all getting excited in each of their own ways.  Oldest is worried about everyone getting along and is anxious for some down time. She has so much on her plate I am praying she can just enjoy herself. Daughter number two is the organizer of the bunch. She made a list weeks ago and except for that broken toe :( is ready to hit the road. Daughter number 3 is concerned about clothes and entertainment. Number one son in law is ready for some down time to read. Oldest son hasn's said much but I think he is missing us since he moved out last month and will enjoy time with everyone...He is my smiler so he will play an important part on the trip. Baby son is too laid back to act excited but I am praying he will enjoy himself.

This morning devotional talked about giving control to God and relaxing and trusting.  I will still be praying on this for ever but I am really going to let go and let GOD. I so want to enjoy these opportunities with my family....both close and far. I just know it will take a lot of prayer!!!

So plans include Johnny Appleseeds gravesite, seeing Lake Erie, family reunion in Rossford,visiting and meeting lots of family, touring around Steven's old stomping grounds, Titantic museum, Silver Dollar City, shopping, and probably too much eating!!!

Now's the hard part.....time to make my list and get organized to leave.
-
*color my hair--doing this as I write
*laundry(big surprise, I know)
*prepare snacks for car
*clean house
*PACK...and don't forget the tickets for everything!!!

And then Have FUN....this is an order.
Smiles-Kathy
No time for spell check...gotta go rinse my hair.

Happy Father's Day

Thinking of those two special men in my life.
Daddy even though you are in heaven now you are still in my heart and thoughts. I am so proud to be your daughter.

Steve-you are such a great dad to our kids. You are such a gift to  our family. We all love you.

:)Time to grill the steaks!!
Smiles-Kathy

Short People.....

have short attention spans, use short words, don't sit in their short chairs at their short desks, and can only be quiet for a short amount of time. I am very thankful for the opportunity to make some extra money for the family and am extremely thankful that I do NOT teach first grade full time. I do not have a calling to teach first grade. I could lie and say I enjoyed the challenge but why?? I will enjoy that tomorrow is the last day and I can go cash that lovely check!!

Is this too mean? I apologize to all the short people in the world!

Garage sale this weekend and I am sure I will not enjoy that either but again money is my motivation. After subbing the last week of June in fifth grade I will be finished doing anything for "the money" for the rest of summer!Yeah!

Also don't look in my closets!!
Smiles-kathy

Failing Grades

Since I did not complete my weekend assignments I AM FAILING summer:(
I did the bathroom, the porch, moved Elliot our, sorta cleaned his room, cleaned the porch(I should have done a before and after because it was awesome and yet I am the only one who noticed), and trimmed fence row in backyard.

Doesn't seem like much.....and that trend continues today.  Worked outside for a bit, bike has 2 flat tires! Then went to school to check in with teacher I am subbing for tomorrow, hung out with Andrea. Cleaned 2 bags of garbage out of hallway drawers.

I also got tried to get some details of Ohio trip organized. Only a month away. I really am trying only to plan enough to stay sane and yet be relax and flexible with the other details.

Still trying to "find" the perfect word to put on the dining room wall. Redoing the kitchen is my reward for being nice during the Ohio trip.... So back to the room.....Erin has EAT on her kitchen wall so I can't copy her.  Some words I am considering: relish,renew,faith,family,celebrate,enjoy,clean up,sit down,pray,---why can't I think of the perfect word? I still have time because hobby lobby doest have the chip board letters on sale yet.

Other thoughts----what about going by Kate? Seems so much more grownup than Kathy. Well this isnt getting my dresser drawers cleaned out and I will do that today!!!!!
Smiles-Kathy/Kate

Summer Lesson Plans

I should have started on this earlier. I don't know why I didn't. I always turned my lesson plans in on time!  How did I miss taking care of myself ---again???

So yesterday when I got (another) call to sub for summer school, I got the distinct feeling that my summer was slipping away. Yes I had cleaned the bathroom!!! (This is not a small feat---old tile and grout attracts dirt.) But I was already worrying about time slipping away before I had any more exciting accomplishments.  That's when I realized I need to do lesson plans for my summer.  Long term planning looks like this:
June--objective: Clean house, sub at summer school
July--objective:vacation and recovery,mental prep for school   
Important date: June17 & 18---Garage sale
                        July 8-17 Vacation

Short term looks like this

May 30-June 3
             Clean bathroom-This one is done
             Move Elliot out
             Clean Kitchen
             Clean out bedroom drawers, organize(HIDE) school things until July!
              Help Steve at store
Weekend of June 4---Mow, new ceiling fans, new backdoor knob, plant ground cover, clean front porch,wash car
June6-10
             Clean out Elliot's room
             Start culling for garage sale
             Clean utility room
              Clean hallway storage
             Clean living room closet
             Help Steve at store
Weekend of June 11--Mow, clean out shed
June13-17
              Sub at summer school M-Thursday
              Help at store
              Clean my closet
               Help Austin with his room
June 17& 18--GARAGE SALE
June 19-Celebrate with Steve
June 20-buy groceries,laundry,clean house
June22-26 Mini vacation at Mom's
June27-30  sub at summer school

Well now I am overwhelmed so I'll do July plans later.
Smiles, Kathy

Don't Judge Me

Okay,Okay....so it has been awhile since I last posted. What was I thinking when I started this?Posting everyday...dream on Kathy, dream on. 

I wish I could say I have been busy saving the world, building homes for Habitat for Humanity, training for a marathon, remodeling my house, or even cleaning my house. But all of those choices would be lies. I have been busy....being a mom, a daughter, a wife, a teacher, a friend. I have been busy being thankful for all my gifts from God....hugging and loving, listening and watching, laughing and crying, working and sleeping, reading and writing(if only a little).

I am striving to live this wonderful life I have been so lovingly given. I am striving to enjoy the wonders around me, appreciate the little stuff, interact with the people around me,and live to the best of my ability.

I am striving to let go of guilt,shame, anger, pettiness, and jealousy.

I am striving to live in the moment.....even while counting the days until school is out!
I am striving to accept me as I am.....even while the weight doesn't go away and the grey hairs increase!

I am striving to BE HAPPY!!!

And yet....I will try to post more, share more, be more.

Ahhhh...

Smiles-Kathy

We will remember

16 years ago today, Oklahomans lost friends,family, security, and trust....but not their FAITH.  We have a responsibility to remember, to cherish, to pray.
I spent my morning talking with fifth graders about the importance of remembering....
Say a prayer of remembrance and thanks.
Smile--Kathy

OOOOklahoma...where the wind comes

..sweeping down the plain!

Can you see the car??

The branch (top of tree) goes completely across my front yard. Luckily nothing was damaged. Amber,Austin and I pulled it to get it off the fence. Neighbors did not look happy even though they are renters and only leaves landed in their driveway.

No, I did not post pics of the hail yesterday. Hey, I'm an OKIE and it is spring butTHIS WIND is nuts!!Of course earlier I thought my allergies were bad but that sure doesn't compare with my new lawn ornament.

Other big news--Austin got his class ring. I just hope he keeps it awhile before the girlfriend(sweet girl) gets it.

My last baby to graduate. He turns 18 next month. I'm glad we held him back in second grade so I get to keep him for one more year!!

Tennis tomorrow--praying for less wind!!

Six more weeks of school.

Pray for all the tornado victims.

Smiles,Kathy



RUN BABY RUN

If I can't brag here where can I? So hold on.....
Erin and Elliot both ran today in the A2A-a local race. Erin has been training for a while and Elliot..well you know, he is a boy and still thinks he can do anything!!

They both started with smiles....

Elliot beat Erin's time but I think he paid the price--sore and tired.

I am so proud of them both!!!!

Yes the E's are awesome but I'm awfully attached to my A's too:)

Andrea worked a water station during the race, Austin actually woke up early to cheer on his siblings, andAmber was spending time with Grandma.

I am so lucky to have such great kiddos.

Smiles--Kathy

Sunday......

This is the day that I want to stay in bed.
This is the day that I want to hide from memories.
This is the day that I have to fight.
This is the day that I have to decide to get off my butt!
This is the day that I take all the advice I have given to others.
This is that day.

A Break from the Snow

So we drove Mom home yesterday. The drive started rocky --uhhh icy and snow--but got better. Where she lives definitely got less ice than we did. Funny that we spent the week worrying about her house when it was so much worse at ours. Hopefully we only have one more storm to get through. I do not like snow even though I heart snow days.

It was so comforting having mom here. Which means now we are all sad that she is back at her place.

Fighting the sadness has forced me to  clean,exercise, and even look at school work!

Still Here

I'm not gone!!! Hiding from the world with my mom and family.  The snow is a good insulator. We are all cudldled together helping each other deal with this grief that is so surreal. There are no words to express this pain, it washes over me at the most unexpected times.

Missing Daddy

My favorite day

When I sat down to blog I wasn't sure what to talk about. I know--already? How could I not have things to talk about.But then.....my mom called. Yes-I did answer. And she told me---DADDY is HOME!!!!! Hallelujah!! After a long week in the hospital my daddy is home.  Yeah!!! Such a cold day to go home I'm not sure what those docs were thinking but I'm so glad. My dear mother did not tell me there was even a chance of him going home so I did not spend my day worrying about that possibility. So now I have all the energy I need to tell everyone. I need to call people--lots of people! I also need to say a prayer of thanksgiving. I am so happy for mom and dad. It makes my heart swell with love to think of them together at home. All is right in my world again. I think I maybe feel 12 again. Ha! Forget that-did you just hear my knees pop? Definitely not 12 but definitely happy.
So plenty to write about now--Since it's Wednesday and I'm supposed to talk about watching my weight. I didn't get to do that last night because so many optimistic people were at my meeting that I couldn't get in the door much less make it to the scales. I think I stayed the same--which I know is much better that gaining but...  Today I exercised and ate great until I fixed the oatmeal raisin cookies. They were good even if they were frozen from a box. Cold winter evenings are not the time for this old lady to try new( or old) recipes. No pictures of the cookies-I had to eat them quickly. I think hot cookies count as less points.Of course if it wasn't for my honesty, I could say I ate the cookies to celebrate my daddy coming home!

So there you go. This has been my favorite blog so far! I think I'll go eat a .......







Ha you thought I would say cookie didn't you! Nah! It's time for my cappuccino--2 points. I'm good!
Smiles to all-Kathy

FIFTY YEARS!!

Happy Anniversary to the people that made me!!!

This is just such am amazing accomplishment. This is a day that they have looked forward to for so long. They never knew it would be a day to find my dear daddy in the hospital. While we are all so worried, I strive to celebrate!  Happy Anniversary!

Now my parents were never Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver. Instead they were two people who loved each other through their faults. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes it was hard. Their marriage has evolved with age to become that beautiful interdependence on each other. As they have aged and retired from work and dealt with health issues, they have blended into one. Dewey and Kowanda. Mom and Dad. Grandma and Grandpa. They have truly become that beautiful couple that we all admire. They are the couple we all become if we take our marriage vows seriously. In sickness and in health. In good times and bad. When you look up commitment in the dictionary you will see their picture!

So the anniversary will be celebrated in a smaller way and in a different place BUT it will still be a celebration. A celebration of LOVE. Who can ask for more? None of us!

Smiles to all- Kathy

Back to Work

As a teacher I look on the upcoming months as a count down to testing.  Already I am concerned with getting everything taught in time and what and when to review. back to work means back to worrying for me as well as many other teachers. As part of my "me" exploration I am trying to use Sundays in a more useful way than worrying.

In church today Rev. A continued his series on prayer. He talked about the many names for God and how we need to honor those names through our prayer. He shared Hebrew names that I can not spell but that meant Creator,Ruler,Daddy, and Parent. Rev. A is very informative and I am really enjoying his talks. They passed out Upper Rooms and I will be using them before bed. One of my goals this year is to read the Bible. I really want to be more knowledgeable and I love to read so what am I waiting for??

Besides church today I also finished reading The Scent of Water.  In the story a woman with mental illness meets with an elderly pastor who shares three prayers. I am making these prayers a foundation for strengthening my relationship with the Lord.

• Lord have mercy.
• Thee I adore.
• Into Thy hands.

Some of us watched Eat,Pray,Love today.  Now I am anxious to read the book.  One line that still sticks in my mind--You can pick your thoughts like you pick your clothes for the day.  I will be remembering that tomorrow as I head back to work.
Smiles to all-Kathy